They’re drunk and Australian, boys – how much damage can they do?
How best to describe the final Sultans fling of the 2010 season is a tricky one. I could report on the cricket, admonish the state of the Chiswick pitch or explain how we ended up playing this bunch of charmless convicts in the first place. But I won’t, oh no.
The best story of the day involves The Bear, Jim, two very special ladies, some sunflowers, the fire brigade and an early hours dash to Homerton Hospital. I’d love to go into more detail, I really would. But you’d better ask Jim, or The Bear.
Suffice to say that this made The Bear late for the optimistic 1pm start of our fourth and final game of the inaugural season, and Jim didn’t show up at all. Then The Bear tried to claim his taxi fare from expenses and refused to open the batting.
Despite the general tardiness, by the time the Economicals tee’d off, we were a 9-strong (weak?) unit.
With the scent of victory strong in our nostrils following victory at Walhamstow in the last match Boss took the cherry and proceeded to get spanked left, right and centre (something The Bear was experiencing a few hours earlier it seems) as the rabble of drunk Austrailian oppo went on an early rampage.
This rampage continued for 40 overs during which time every bowler – except The Bear who, after refusing to bowl, threw down a parsimonoius 6 balls – got clubbed, thwacked, spanked and humilated as Chopper and co flashed their blades at our rather weak and inconspicuous attempts at bowling.
At one stage Boss asked to be chucked the ball becuase he’d ‘worked out’ how to dismiss their chief damager (who had a massive nose). After bringing himself off, sorry on, he was then taken for 30-odd in his next over before bringing himself off again.
The bottom line is that woeful bowling, terrible fielding (Wainy dropped about a dozen catches) and some bad luck (Wizzer hit the stumps with a fizzing looper but the bails remained on) saw the oppo notch up a hefty 338-5 in 40 overs.
After a tasty tea (much tastier in fact than the girl who turned up and distracted us while we were fielding – sometimes things are best viewed from a distance), it was the Sultans turn to run riot with a succession of 4s and 6s.
Unfortunately things didn’t quite go to plan.
During the 27.1 overs we faced we notched up a meagre 180 (our second highest score ever, but not enough when you’re staring down 338) and were roundly beaten. Batting nods go out to Dicko (42) and Baz (70), everyone else gets a ’must try harder’ note.
So, we lost and we lost heavily. All said it was an afternoon to forget, and I doubt we’ll be playing this assortment of wallabies and wannabes again.
Roll on 2011.
